their job site and realizes they have forgotten their shovels.
The crew's foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor
the situation.
The supervisor radios back and says,
"Don't worry, we'll send some shovels. . .
just lean on each other until they arrive."
Customers have called the support line to ask,
"Is it okay to use it during the week."
1) Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2) I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3) I like you. You remind me of when I was young and FOOLISH!
4) I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
5) Ahh, I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
6) I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
7) How about never? Is never good for you?
8) I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
9) You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication.
10) I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
11) I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
12) I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
13) Who me? I just wander from room to room.
14) It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
15) At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
16) You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
17) I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If you want to advance in management,
you have to convince other people that you're smart.
This is accomplished by substituting
incomprehensible jargon for common words.
For example, a manager would never say,
"I used my fork to eat a potato."
A manager would say,
"I utilized a multitined tool to process a starch resource."
The two sentences mean almost the same thing,
but the second one is obviously from a smarter person.
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A: This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe".
Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by DR. Moe Howard,
who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about
the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.
Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech
equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips,
but the result remains the same.
How Difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A: Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents.
Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors
who are participating in the plan at the time the information was
gathered. These doctors basically fall into two catagories:
those who are no longer accepting new patients, and
those who will see you, but are no longer part of the plan.
BUT don't worry - the remaining doctor who is still in
the plan and accepting new patients, has an office just a half
day's drive away.
A: You really shouldn't do that.
You'll have a hard time seeing your primary care physician.
It's best to wait until you return, and then get sick.
brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach
ache. What should I do?
A: Poke yourself in the eye.
(see Question 1.)
handle the problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a
heart transplant right in his office?
A: Hard to say, but considering that all you're out is the $10.00
Co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it.
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* Old Timer's Poem * A COMPUTER was something on TV, From a science fiction show of note. A WINDOW was something you hated to clean, And RAM was the cousin of a goat. MEG was the name of a girl, And GIG was a job for the nights. NOW they all mean different things, And that really MEGA BYTES. An APPLICATION was for employment, A PROGRAM was a TV show. A CURSOR used profanity, A KEYBOARD was a piano. MEMORY was something you lost with age, And CD was a bank account. And if you had a 3-INCH FLOPPY, You hoped nobody found out. COMPRESS was something you did to the garbage, Not something you did to a FILE. And if you UNZIPPED anything in public, You'd be in jail for awhile. LOG ON was adding wood to the fire, HARD DRIVE was a long trip on the road. A MOUSE PAD was where a mouse lived, And a BACKUP happened to your commode. CUT you did with a pocket knife, PASTE you did with glue. A WEB was a spider's home, And a VIRUS was the flu. I guess I'll stick to my pen and paper, And the memory in my head. I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash, But when it happens they wish they were dead. |